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Keane on the Scene
FFFBI Agent Keane writing on note pad

Case 47652: Porovsky

Bunkum has been keeping a close eye on one of the Triple F's brightest stars: Agent Keane.

Hired by the FFFBI as a rookie cub, Agent Constance Keane rose quickly through the ranks to become one of the Bureau's top crime solvers. Keane's broad knowledge, sharp mind, and ability to spot a lie have made her invaluable to the Triple F.

Now this grizzly bear's exploits are used to train new agents.

Can you match wits with Agent Keane?

"How much for this bracelet?" asked Agent Keane. She was at the Golden Nugget Flea Market (slogan: Save 10% If You're an Actual Flea) looking for a birthday present for her sister. The skunk behind the table picked it up, brushed it off, and looked it over. "This bracelet's $150, but for you I can go... $130."

"$130? Sorry—too rich for my blood." Agent Keane loved her sister, but the last bracelet she bought her had ended up lost on the crosstown train. "Another time, maybe," smiled Keane, moving down the aisle. "Stainless steel olive pitter? Nah. Salt and pepper shakers in the shape of belly buttons? Nah. Hey, what's this?"

Keane picked up a birth certificate in a protective plastic sleeve. "Muhammad Ali, Jan. 17, 1942," she read out loud. It was in great condition.

Agent Keane looked up to see who the booth belonged to and saw a familiar warthog face. "Well, well, well. Porovsky. Long time no see." Porovsky seemed startled at first, then said, "Agent Keane. How nice to see you. What brings you to this fair establishment?"

"Oh, just a birthday present for my sister. Actually, I was looking at this birth certificate. Is this original?"

Porovsky took it gently and held it in her hoof. "Oh, yes, this is the real thing. Very nice, huh? You could own a piece of history."

Agent Keane looked suspicious. "Now, Porovsky, we both know your counterfeiting background. You expect me to trust you?"

"Trust me?" Porovsky looked hurt. "Of course you can trust me. I've gone legit. You think I want more trouble? I got them all from a collector who needed some money. Here, look at this. I got more of them." Porovsky bent down behind the table, brought out a box full of papers, and started reading off the names. "Look, here's Malcolm X's birth certificate. And Mark Twain's. Ooh, and look at this one: Lewis Carroll! He wrote Alice in Wonderland, you know. Yeah, there are some really great ones here. But I'm a businesswoman. I buy for a little, sell for more, and make a few bucks on the way. If you see one you like, make me an offer. We can make a deal."

Agent Keane sighed. "Porovsky, when will you ever learn? Either you're trying to scam me, or you're not as smart as I thought you were."

Why did Agent Keane think that Porovsky might be up to her old tricks again?

Answer below (scroll down)


Why did Agent Keane think that Porovsky might be up to her old tricks again?

The reason Agent Keane was interested in Muhammad Ali's birth certificate—and all the others, too—is that all these people were born with names different from the ones they're famous for. Muhammad Ali was born Cassius Clay. Malcolm X was born Malcolm Little. Mark Twain's real name was Samuel Clemens. And Lewis Carroll's real name was Charles Dodgson. Which means that all the birth certificates with their NEW names on them were forgeries.

Knowing Porovsky's past, Keane thought she might be up to her old tricks again. But back at HQ, it became clear that Porovsky had been ripped off herself by the "collector," who turned out to be another counterfeiter. With Porovsky's help, the FFFBI was able to nail him, although Porovsky was not able to get her money back.

As it turned out, though, Porovsky also dealt in handmade clothing, so Agent Keane bought a scarf for her sister—with her name embroidered on it, in case she ever lost it (which she did almost immediately).